Texts From Last Night

Worst Nights of the Month

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  (616): View more from Michigan

  We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Helmets.

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  (616): We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids? (609): Helmets. http://tfl.nu/n1xg
  Replies (6) Good night (786) Bad night (84)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.

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  (+61): I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad. http://tfl.nu/47hi
  Replies (3) Good night (654) Bad night (83) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Thank you for caring about my cervix.

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  (616): Thank you for caring about my cervix. http://tfl.nu/akl3
  Replies (1) Good night (398) Bad night (83) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack

  (1-315): View more from New York

  This is why I love you...

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  (315): Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack (1-315): This is why I love you... http://tfl.nu/jq03
  Replies (5) Good night (636) Bad night (82) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.

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  (919): We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad. http://tfl.nu/qk8s
  Replies (6) Good night (1206) Bad night (81) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.

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  (206): If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever. http://tfl.nu/y5vi
  Replies (1) Good night (342) Bad night (80) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday

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  (425): I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday http://tfl.nu/6bnr
  Replies (1) Good night (308) Bad night (79) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding

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  (416): Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding http://tfl.nu/gcol
  Replies (0) Good night (201) Bad night (79) Order T-Shirt
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Did you at least offer to let him get it out??

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  (901): I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment. (662): Did you at least offer to let him get it out?? http://tfl.nu/gv0l
  Replies (4) Good night (326) Bad night (79)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.

  (1-618): View more from Illinois

  Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!

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  (618): One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat. (1-618): Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research! http://tfl.nu/3g8w
  Replies (6) Good night (1091) Bad night (79)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk

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  (503): Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk http://tfl.nu/l7fc
  Replies (9) Good night (419) Bad night (78) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.

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  (425): You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you. http://tfl.nu/vxkn
  Replies (6) Good night (228) Bad night (78) Order T-Shirt
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.

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  (952): I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face. (952): Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him. http://tfl.nu/f0ba
  Replies (3) Good night (359) Bad night (78)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me

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  (860): I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me http://tfl.nu/egc4
  Replies (4) Good night (451) Bad night (78)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?

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  (614): So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes? http://tfl.nu/y2f0
  Replies (5) Good night (274) Bad night (75) Order T-Shirt