Texts From Last Night

Best Nights of the Week

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  (415): View more from California

  Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.

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  (415): Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week. http://tfl.nu/dhvq
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?

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  (320): How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash? http://tfl.nu/c8co
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong

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  (306): but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong http://tfl.nu/idmw
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  (631): View more from New York

  are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?

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  (631): are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ? http://tfl.nu/6snf
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...

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  (703): YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!! (202): Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me... http://tfl.nu/al91
  Replies (9) Good night (423) Bad night (62)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!

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  (503): So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30! http://tfl.nu/8l9n
  Replies (3) Good night (418) Bad night (108)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.

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  (317): I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis. http://tfl.nu/cvxz
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.

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  (614): I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting. http://tfl.nu/welf
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  (585): View more from New York

  I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.

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  (585): I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright. http://tfl.nu/bzkq
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.

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  (920): I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious. http://tfl.nu/db61
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station

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  (802): Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station http://tfl.nu/2mxj
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  (305): View more from Florida

  My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".

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  (305): My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment". http://tfl.nu/9ut4
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  (325): View more from Texas

  She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.

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  (325): She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin. http://tfl.nu/rsir
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.

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  (541): Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways. http://tfl.nu/r7l2
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.

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  (503): I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him. http://tfl.nu/nxot
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