Texts From Last Night

Worst Nights of All Time

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  (407): View more from Florida

  If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces

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  (407): If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces http://tfl.nu/di36
  Replies (3) Good night (122) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.

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  (330): Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success. http://tfl.nu/8tcw
  Replies (2) Good night (783) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.

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  (240): He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at. http://tfl.nu/i197
  Replies (5) Good night (550) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall

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  (+44): want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want (1+44): brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall http://tfl.nu/0u3p
  Replies (6) Good night (1834) Bad night (243)
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  (212): View more from New York

  At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for

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  (212): At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for http://tfl.nu/la6h
  Replies (6) Good night (430) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.

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  (913): This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for. http://tfl.nu/vkxq
  Replies (4) Good night (631) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them

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  (704): Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them http://tfl.nu/4k2w
  Replies (5) Good night (1648) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.

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  (917): i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle. http://tfl.nu/wmdi
  Replies (10) Good night (835) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?

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  (334): My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace? http://tfl.nu/t8sy
  Replies (13) Good night (2284) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.

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  (573): I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room. http://tfl.nu/g1i7
  Replies (5) Good night (739) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"

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  (330): WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader" http://tfl.nu/kbtf
  Replies (0) Good night (435) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.

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  (501): Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago. http://tfl.nu/csbb
  Replies (5) Good night (1076) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.

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  (636): In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something. http://tfl.nu/dpws
  Replies (4) Good night (877) Bad night (243)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Pencil dick carries the name proudly.

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  (612): Pencil dick carries the name proudly. http://tfl.nu/iir6
  Replies (3) Good night (61) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you

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  (512): Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you http://tfl.nu/d8vu
  Replies (3) Good night (654) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt