Texts From Last Night

Best Nights of All Time

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  (334): View more from Alabama

  babies were throwing up all over the place

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  (334): babies were throwing up all over the place http://tfl.nu/onjb
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.

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  (306): I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer. http://tfl.nu/mo8a
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.

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  (847): john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer. http://tfl.nu/ic81
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  (239): View more from Florida

  I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!

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  (239): I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you! http://tfl.nu/6j2k
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..

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  (603): Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please.. http://tfl.nu/45sb
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.

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  (330): Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered. http://tfl.nu/lz30
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?

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  (870): Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with? http://tfl.nu/z4e7
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  (805): View more from California

  The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.

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  (805): The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move. http://tfl.nu/j8dv
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  (210): View more from Texas

  cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens

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  (210): cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens http://tfl.nu/njf7
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot

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  (301): The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot http://tfl.nu/zrh0
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!

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  (321): I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis! http://tfl.nu/o0qu
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  (209): View more from California

  I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?

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  (209): I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry? http://tfl.nu/5luf
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.

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  (901): Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed. http://tfl.nu/jvs2
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"

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  (603): i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys" http://tfl.nu/5hh5
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.

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  (304): We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/lf7j
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