Texts From Last Night

Best Nights of All Time

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?

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  (410): Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work? http://tfl.nu/5kkn
  Replies (13) Good night (477) Bad night (1169) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.

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  (612): I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed. http://tfl.nu/r67y
  Replies (17) Good night (477) Bad night (1255) Order T-Shirt
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  (212): View more from New York

  Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles

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  (212): Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles http://tfl.nu/ttbo
  Replies (5) Good night (477) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.

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  (630): Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face. http://tfl.nu/i080
  Replies (8) Good night (477) Bad night (1148) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...

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  (207): I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am... http://tfl.nu/bw14
  Replies (4) Good night (477) Bad night (307) Order T-Shirt
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is

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  (501): As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is http://tfl.nu/j324
  Replies (2) Good night (477) Bad night (1623) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...

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  (510): I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant... http://tfl.nu/doz4
  Replies (16) Good night (477) Bad night (1657) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.

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  (760): Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night. http://tfl.nu/5xwv
  Replies (5) Good night (477) Bad night (225) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."

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  (860): When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed." http://tfl.nu/60fs
  Replies (0) Good night (477) Bad night (147) Order T-Shirt
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.

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  (251): My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me. http://tfl.nu/ksmg
  Replies (8) Good night (477) Bad night (2699) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.

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  (917): It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay. http://tfl.nu/aq98
  Replies (14) Good night (477) Bad night (2892) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  I'm so sick

  (323): View more from California

  I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.

  (310): View more from California

  That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..

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  (310): I'm so sick (323): I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night. (310): That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy.. http://tfl.nu/0aa2
  Replies (3) Good night (477) Bad night (1599)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?

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  (303): I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive? http://tfl.nu/iyw4
  Replies (2) Good night (477) Bad night (162) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword

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  (817): And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword http://tfl.nu/z2rx
  Replies (1) Good night (477) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?

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  (414): It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself? http://tfl.nu/nwby
  Replies (6) Good night (477) Bad night (1343) Order T-Shirt