Texts From Last Night

Best Nights of All Time

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.

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  (814): He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice. http://tfl.nu/r5ev
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself

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  (517): If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself http://tfl.nu/s6n2
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..

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  (440): you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents.. http://tfl.nu/shss
  Replies (17) Good night (474) Bad night (3798)
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  (559): View more from California

  Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.

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  (559): Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face. http://tfl.nu/ufsv
  Replies (10) Good night (474) Bad night (1492) Order T-Shirt
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  (212): View more from New York

  Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles

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  (212): Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles http://tfl.nu/ttbo
  Replies (5) Good night (474) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night

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  (517): The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night http://tfl.nu/871q
  Replies (3) Good night (474) Bad night (154) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.

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  (704): I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina. http://tfl.nu/8h1n
  Replies (9) Good night (474) Bad night (157) Order T-Shirt
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  (806): View more from Texas

  I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.

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  (806): I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex. http://tfl.nu/q7ob
  Replies (3) Good night (474) Bad night (188) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...

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  (510): I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant... http://tfl.nu/doz4
  Replies (16) Good night (474) Bad night (1655) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed

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  (847): my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed http://tfl.nu/8ny3
  Replies (33) Good night (474) Bad night (3380) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.

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  (503): He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive. http://tfl.nu/kzk0
  Replies (10) Good night (474) Bad night (2215) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.

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  (406): I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation. http://tfl.nu/zwu5
  Replies (7) Good night (474) Bad night (1326)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.

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  (515): I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans. http://tfl.nu/jn9s
  Replies (128) Good night (474) Bad night (3828) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.

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  (515): She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body. http://tfl.nu/lybk
  Replies (6) Good night (474) Bad night (2117) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.

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  (207): I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered. http://tfl.nu/1qcp
  Replies (3) Good night (474) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt