Texts From Last Night · Worst Nights of All Time

Worst Nights of All Time

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?

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(603): Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener? http://tfl.nu/3402

Replies (3) Good night (1189) Bad night (316) Order T-Shirt
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(914): View more from New York

The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.

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(914): The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes. http://tfl.nu/xsso

Replies (8) Good night (968) Bad night (316) Order T-Shirt
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.

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(717): Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes. http://tfl.nu/frv8

Replies (2) Good night (1093) Bad night (316) Order T-Shirt
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(702): View more from Nevada

But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!

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(702): But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder! http://tfl.nu/rxkw

Replies (12) Good night (949) Bad night (315) Order T-Shirt
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(919): View more from North Carolina

What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?

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(919): What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room? http://tfl.nu/ulxd

Replies (4) Good night (1139) Bad night (315) Order T-Shirt
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(907): View more from Alaska

Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.

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(907): Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina. http://tfl.nu/7bx7

Replies (2) Good night (731) Bad night (315)
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(949): View more from California

Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.

(949): View more from California

I felt like a god.

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(949): Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list. (949): I felt like a god. http://tfl.nu/u6fp

Replies (6) Good night (995) Bad night (315)
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(512): View more from Texas

Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it

(1-512): View more from Texas

We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...

(512): View more from Texas

This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.

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(512): Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it (1-512): We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream... (512): This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life. http://tfl.nu/ar28

Replies (5) Good night (2567) Bad night (315)
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(551): View more from New Jersey

Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.

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(551): Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win. http://tfl.nu/l1vw

Replies (12) Good night (1296) Bad night (315) Order T-Shirt
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(613): View more from Ontario

I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.

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(613): I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going. http://tfl.nu/0q0d

Replies (1) Good night (464) Bad night (315) Order T-Shirt
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(503): View more from Oregon

Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".

(1-503): View more from Oregon

That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.

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(503): Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy". (1-503): That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby. http://tfl.nu/9w8t

Replies (4) Good night (872) Bad night (315)
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(425): View more from Washington

I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.

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(425): I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways. http://tfl.nu/uinc

Replies (3) Good night (722) Bad night (315)
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(712): View more from Iowa

I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.

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(712): I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple. http://tfl.nu/5d4d

Replies (1) Good night (618) Bad night (315) Order T-Shirt
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.

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(412): So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T. http://tfl.nu/y888

Replies (4) Good night (1298) Bad night (315) Order T-Shirt
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(720): View more from Colorado

ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.

(1-720): View more from Colorado

Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.

(720): View more from Colorado

I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.

(720): View more from Colorado

I rest my case.

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(720): ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO. (1-720): Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving. (720): I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW. (720): I rest my case. http://tfl.nu/ktzi

Replies (10) Good night (1896) Bad night (315)

Worst Nights of All Time

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