Texts From Last Night

Best Nights of All Time

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.

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  (508): He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is. http://tfl.nu/qf8i
  Replies (8) Good night (723) Bad night (1420) Order T-Shirt
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.

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  (701): Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single. http://tfl.nu/d9fj
  Replies (2) Good night (723) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  should my penis look like a turkey

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  (319): should my penis look like a turkey http://tfl.nu/u56w
  Replies (18) Good night (723) Bad night (5179) Order T-Shirt
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I just got carded by a ten year old.

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  (713): I just got carded by a ten year old. http://tfl.nu/ytwr
  Replies (5) Good night (723) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk

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  (780): It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk http://tfl.nu/34yj
  Replies (8) Good night (723) Bad night (258) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?

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  (541): How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight? http://tfl.nu/vr15
  Replies (10) Good night (723) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
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  (713): View more from Texas

  He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...

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  (713): He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate... http://tfl.nu/djvz
  Replies (5) Good night (723) Bad night (2064) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers

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  (516): You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers http://tfl.nu/mh21
  Replies (8) Good night (723) Bad night (3736) Order T-Shirt
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Whiskey dick.

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Everyday of my life.

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  (417): Whiskey dick. (810): Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it. (417): Everyday of my life. http://tfl.nu/axyq
  Replies (3) Good night (723) Bad night (920)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.

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  (904): all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home. http://tfl.nu/xqx6
  Replies (9) Good night (723) Bad night (2964) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.

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  (512): Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently. http://tfl.nu/nwru
  Replies (3) Good night (723) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?

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  (613): My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding? http://tfl.nu/fdqr
  Replies (22) Good night (723) Bad night (4028) Order T-Shirt
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.

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  (940): Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line. http://tfl.nu/5wo4
  Replies (5) Good night (723) Bad night (1611) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.

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  (603): i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm. http://tfl.nu/ifvp
  Replies (121) Good night (723) Bad night (4556) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.

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  (203): nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night. http://tfl.nu/ahny
  Replies (8) Good night (723) Bad night (1517) Order T-Shirt