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The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
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