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I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
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