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He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
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