Texts From Last Night

Best Nights of the Week

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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.

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  (614): I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely. http://tfl.nu/lx5s
  Replies (7) Good night (114) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro

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  (250): I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro http://tfl.nu/if95
  Replies (0) Good night (109) Bad night (40) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.

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  (716): I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine. http://tfl.nu/pta5
  Replies (1) Good night (106) Bad night (238) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  that happened

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  (508): Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing? (603): that happened http://tfl.nu/dxuy
  Replies (1) Good night (106) Bad night (271)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.

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  (520): At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget. http://tfl.nu/wj00
  Replies (5) Good night (100) Bad night (246) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.

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  (949): You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering. http://tfl.nu/3arq
  Replies (0) Good night (84) Bad night (20) Order T-Shirt
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...

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  (417): I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him... http://tfl.nu/ae62
  Replies (2) Good night (83) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.

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  (330): You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter. http://tfl.nu/exdp
  Replies (2) Good night (80) Bad night (67) Order T-Shirt
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.

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  (580): Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style. http://tfl.nu/uibp
  Replies (3) Good night (78) Bad night (351) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.

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  (708): He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro. http://tfl.nu/6fem
  Replies (4) Good night (76) Bad night (262) Order T-Shirt
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  (626): View more from California

  Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.

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  (626): Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long. http://tfl.nu/2nw2
  Replies (2) Good night (70) Bad night (417) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...

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  (706): Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles... http://tfl.nu/pb5u
  Replies (4) Good night (67) Bad night (232)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.

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  (802): This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again. http://tfl.nu/ts2y
  Replies (2) Good night (61) Bad night (325) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I mean come on

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  (720): Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off (720): I mean come on http://tfl.nu/0ezx
  Replies (5) Good night (50) Bad night (174)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car

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  (302): I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car http://tfl.nu/rca8
  Replies (4) Good night (38) Bad night (183) Order T-Shirt