Texts From Last Night

Worst Nights of the Week

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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.

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  (306): it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do. http://tfl.nu/dtwv
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  (727): View more from Florida

  You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs

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  (727): You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs http://tfl.nu/7zsc
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move

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  (727): I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move http://tfl.nu/nqhs
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  (510): View more from California

  Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.

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  (510): Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle. http://tfl.nu/xmjt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'

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  (443): SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK' http://tfl.nu/77su
  Replies (3) Good night (566) Bad night (86) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma

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  (919): Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma http://tfl.nu/tsev
  Replies (1) Good night (518) Bad night (85) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.

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  (850): I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again. http://tfl.nu/tqvr
  Replies (4) Good night (445) Bad night (83) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.

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  (310): I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/rytq
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.

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  (307): I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars. http://tfl.nu/4ihs
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  (561): View more from Florida

  They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no

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  (561): They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no http://tfl.nu/615z
  Replies (3) Good night (279) Bad night (82) Order T-Shirt
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  (727): View more from Florida

  You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.

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  (727): You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest. http://tfl.nu/2kj8
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad

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  (319): She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad http://tfl.nu/w994
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...

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  (803): He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is... http://tfl.nu/usg6
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY

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  (309): QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY http://tfl.nu/578t
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo

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  (780): Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo http://tfl.nu/12ln
  Replies (3) Good night (463) Bad night (80) Order T-Shirt