Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (479)

Last Night in Arkansas (479)

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She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.

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(479): She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink. http://tfl.nu/g05p

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I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.

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(479): I had fun last night. We should have sex less often. http://tfl.nu/07uu

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he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.

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(479): he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that. http://tfl.nu/u07t

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i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.

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(479): i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for. http://tfl.nu/5iul

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hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?

(1-479): View more from Arkansas

what?

(479): View more from Arkansas

your penis

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(479): hey, can i borrow that thing you never use? (1-479): what? (479): your penis http://tfl.nu/2nga

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You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?

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(479): You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI? http://tfl.nu/c4jp

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he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha

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(479): he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha http://tfl.nu/2icp

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I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.

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(479): I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter. http://tfl.nu/4ovg

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How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.

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(479): How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her. http://tfl.nu/z3i9

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it was like his penis was on wheels.

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(479): it was like his penis was on wheels. http://tfl.nu/carq

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okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters

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ok you need to stop NOW

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(479): okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters (501): ok you need to stop NOW http://tfl.nu/gm1r

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I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?

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I believe so, yes.

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Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?

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(479): I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing? (1-479): I believe so, yes. (479): Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you? http://tfl.nu/chrd

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Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.

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(479): Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships. http://tfl.nu/he2q

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New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.

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(479): New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways. http://tfl.nu/3d1m

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I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.

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(479): I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight. http://tfl.nu/07n7

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Last Night in Arkansas (479)

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