Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New York (347)

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  (347): View more from New York

  you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.

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  (347): you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair. http://tfl.nu/pf7y
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  We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job

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  (347): We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job http://tfl.nu/wtkj
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  apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.

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  (347): apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road. http://tfl.nu/bhjm
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  Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.

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  (347): Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service. http://tfl.nu/eqpl
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  Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one

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  Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...

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  do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.

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  (347): Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one (347): Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy... (802): do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy. http://tfl.nu/wg4e
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  my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand

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  (347): my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand http://tfl.nu/anwc
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  Need sex. Gaining weight.

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  (347): Need sex. Gaining weight. http://tfl.nu/ag2f
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  tell your sister to shave her snatch

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  (347): tell your sister to shave her snatch http://tfl.nu/u0ig
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  I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.

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  (347): I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth. http://tfl.nu/tax7
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  I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.

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  And what brought this epiphany?

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  I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later

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  (646): I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on. (347): And what brought this epiphany? (646): I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later http://tfl.nu/hsai
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  Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????

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  (347): Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck????? http://tfl.nu/jm2n
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  Moan for me like Helen Keller

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  (347): Moan for me like Helen Keller http://tfl.nu/vo5w
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  I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot

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  (347): I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot http://tfl.nu/oi7m
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  i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties

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  (347): i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties http://tfl.nu/y66a
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  weddingsv make me drug and hornr

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  (347): weddingsv make me drug and hornr http://tfl.nu/r9x4
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