Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Iowa (319)

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  (319): View more from Iowa

  he asked me to smell his eyeballs.

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  (319): he asked me to smell his eyeballs. http://tfl.nu/b2rr
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women

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  I wish I had your problem

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  (319): I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women (319): I wish I had your problem http://tfl.nu/60uu
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  I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online

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  (319): I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online http://tfl.nu/tzby
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  just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.

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  (319): just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys. http://tfl.nu/rsgm
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

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  Toaster

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  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
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  Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.

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  (319): Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk. http://tfl.nu/a04b
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  By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"

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  (319): By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection" http://tfl.nu/gcjm
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met

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  thanks it was an honor just to be nominated

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  (319): you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met (1-319): thanks it was an honor just to be nominated http://tfl.nu/yswc
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  we need to stop having unprotected sex.

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  ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.

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  (319): we need to stop having unprotected sex. (1-319): ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores. http://tfl.nu/85im
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?

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  (319): Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota? http://tfl.nu/4k6s
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.

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  (319): Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones. http://tfl.nu/ata0
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.

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  (319): I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone. http://tfl.nu/bot7
  Replies (9) Good night (3171) Bad night (504)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.

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  Good thing spelling doesn't count.

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  (641): I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test. (319): Good thing spelling doesn't count. http://tfl.nu/8f4i
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift

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  (319): You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift http://tfl.nu/3fcv
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?

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  (319): Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's? http://tfl.nu/rb01
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