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We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
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