Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (903)

Last Night in Texas (903)

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(903): View more from Texas

Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up

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(903): Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up http://tfl.nu/zu39

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I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?

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(903): I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical? http://tfl.nu/u7vi

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WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?

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I would peed on everything

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(361): WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM? (903): I would peed on everything http://tfl.nu/6qp3

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So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me

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(903): So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me http://tfl.nu/8jt8

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Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.

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(903): Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember. http://tfl.nu/q5rg

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I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.

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(903): I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper. http://tfl.nu/88zt

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You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right

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(903): You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right http://tfl.nu/ohnr

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Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!

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(903): Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!! http://tfl.nu/fyj1

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We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.

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(903): We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort. http://tfl.nu/9819

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We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.

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(903): We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service. http://tfl.nu/lvor

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On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs

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(903): On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs http://tfl.nu/pggr

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He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.

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(903): He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk. http://tfl.nu/oox7

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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.

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(903): And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table. http://tfl.nu/a0uv

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Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.

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You are the coolest girlfriend ever.

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(903): Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us. (936): You are the coolest girlfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/hjex

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Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.

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Dude I've been in FL since Monday.

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(903): Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night. (1-903): Dude I've been in FL since Monday. http://tfl.nu/crr9

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Last Night in Texas (903)

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