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If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
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