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I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
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