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So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
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