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Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
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