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he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
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