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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
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