Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (306)

Last Night in Saskatchewan (306)

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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.

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(306): I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me. http://tfl.nu/ri8m

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My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.

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(306): My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday. http://tfl.nu/tgen

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We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.

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What did you cook with whisky?

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We started a fire.

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(306): We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky. (1-306): What did you cook with whisky? (306): We started a fire. http://tfl.nu/4y3v

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I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'

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(306): I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes' http://tfl.nu/oxkp

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But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances

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(306): But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances http://tfl.nu/e227

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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.

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(306): I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car. http://tfl.nu/2mw2

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She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.

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(306): She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant. http://tfl.nu/96oo

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How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid

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(306): How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid http://tfl.nu/1mq4

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I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.

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(306): I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not. http://tfl.nu/ytdq

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They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.

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(306): They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties. http://tfl.nu/2id3

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Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?

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(306): Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better? http://tfl.nu/6en9

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It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.

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(306): It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story. http://tfl.nu/6m1s

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We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.

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(306): We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love. http://tfl.nu/cwg6

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Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night

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(306): Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night http://tfl.nu/jc2t

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Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife

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(306): Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife http://tfl.nu/6k5s

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Last Night in Saskatchewan (306)

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