Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Follow @tfln