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Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
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