Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (206)

Last Night in Washington (206)

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He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.

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Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.

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(206): He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit. (415): Use your nursing skills for good, not evil. http://tfl.nu/0k9b

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Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.

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(206): Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys. http://tfl.nu/t4sn

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Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.

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(206): Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it. http://tfl.nu/nkgr

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Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?

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(206): Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public? http://tfl.nu/ycaq

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I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.

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(206): I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling. http://tfl.nu/5feo

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Did I change midway through last night?

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Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking

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(503): Did I change midway through last night? (206): Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking http://tfl.nu/rz21

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do we own a ladder

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We do not.

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then how am i on the roof

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(360): do we own a ladder (206): We do not. (360): then how am i on the roof http://tfl.nu/xqbq

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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.

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(206): But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness. http://tfl.nu/0ech

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I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.

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(206): I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine. http://tfl.nu/p8ml

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The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.

(909): View more from California

Whaaaaaat? No way.

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Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.

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(206): The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag. (909): Whaaaaaat? No way. (206): Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier. http://tfl.nu/t9qj

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I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2

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(206): I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2 http://tfl.nu/1blx

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be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.

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(206): be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age. http://tfl.nu/oer4

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It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.

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(206): It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights. http://tfl.nu/5zul

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There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�

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(206): There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.� http://tfl.nu/3ssu

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Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.

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(206): Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me. http://tfl.nu/pgvw

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Last Night in Washington (206)

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