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Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
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