Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (916)

Last Night in California (916)

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this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse

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People like that make this world a better place.

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(916): this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse (1-916): People like that make this world a better place. http://tfl.nu/pvsx

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I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.

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(916): I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina. http://tfl.nu/c8ir

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The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.

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(916): The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight. http://tfl.nu/8kai

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Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...

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(916): Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers... http://tfl.nu/ayxd

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Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.

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(916): Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities. http://tfl.nu/3rzs

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That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.

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(916): That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe. http://tfl.nu/yz4h

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She said she liked strap-ons.

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SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!

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(916): She said she liked strap-ons. (1-916): SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER! http://tfl.nu/41v6

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Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable

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(916): Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable http://tfl.nu/5q9j

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............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help

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(916): ............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help http://tfl.nu/sdm1

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I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge

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(916): I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge http://tfl.nu/9m2f

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Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties

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(916): Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties http://tfl.nu/1wl7

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Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy

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(916): Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy http://tfl.nu/he18

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I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.

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(916): I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house. http://tfl.nu/a7ly

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the gays at disneyland are vicious

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(916): the gays at disneyland are vicious http://tfl.nu/i9ir

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I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.

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(916): I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me. http://tfl.nu/xyna

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Last Night in California (916)

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