Texts From Last Night

Last Night in North Carolina (910)

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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.

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  (910): I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier. http://tfl.nu/vwj3
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.

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  (910): Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times. http://tfl.nu/h23j
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.

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  (910): Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me. http://tfl.nu/zvsa
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.

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  (910): once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits. http://tfl.nu/8psa
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  Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.

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  (910): Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap. http://tfl.nu/jw87
  Replies (4) Good night (1230) Bad night (975)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.

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  (910): He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that. http://tfl.nu/o050
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  You went to jail last night?!

  (1-910): View more from North Carolina

  Just a little bit.

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  (910): You went to jail last night?! (1-910): Just a little bit. http://tfl.nu/exzq
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325

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  (910): Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly. (910): im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325 http://tfl.nu/vc15
  Replies (26) Good night (729) Bad night (2214)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.

  (770): View more from Georgia

  That's the only definition of lonely that I know.

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  (910): Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely. (770): That's the only definition of lonely that I know. http://tfl.nu/dtij
  Replies (8) Good night (2009) Bad night (620)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  "Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Nope, his last birthday was.

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  (910): "Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right? (770): Nope, his last birthday was. http://tfl.nu/dk94
  Replies (5) Good night (1933) Bad night (477)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Mom said you looked used

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  (910): Mom said you looked used http://tfl.nu/mdwd
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  Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.

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  (910): Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now. http://tfl.nu/pjno
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  Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.

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  (910): Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood. http://tfl.nu/yy48
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.

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  (910): Like some sort of pot growing robin hood. http://tfl.nu/4atp
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.

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  (910): He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today. http://tfl.nu/xbxf
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