Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (909)

Last Night in California (909)

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You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie

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(909): You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie http://tfl.nu/b4xy

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He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.

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(909): He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult. http://tfl.nu/s4nn

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i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.

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(909): i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar. http://tfl.nu/5kvp

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i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life

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(909): i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life http://tfl.nu/pypl

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Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"

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That's just where I'm at in my life.

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(909): Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!" (951): That's just where I'm at in my life. http://tfl.nu/gh6a

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We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.

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(909): We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter. http://tfl.nu/smvu

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I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick

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(909): I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick http://tfl.nu/j8ox

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Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.

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(909): Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle. http://tfl.nu/fgdn

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Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.

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(909): Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas. http://tfl.nu/i4ub

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and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....

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(909): and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests".... http://tfl.nu/4e7u

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Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.

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(909): Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out. http://tfl.nu/vj9i

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I just didn't expect you to be so naked....

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(909): I just didn't expect you to be so naked.... http://tfl.nu/rjbc

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that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though

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(909): that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though http://tfl.nu/jicr

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do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?

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and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook

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(909): do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"? (760): and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook http://tfl.nu/nbai

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yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face

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(909): yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face http://tfl.nu/l391

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Last Night in California (909)

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