Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Follow @tfln