Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (630)

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  This is a rough morning for me

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  No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.

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  (630): This is a rough morning for me (577): No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma. http://tfl.nu/q4hk
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  they sound like some classy girls.

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  Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.

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  (630): they sound like some classy girls. (1-630): Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting. http://tfl.nu/azgf
  Replies (4) Good night (1855) Bad night (424)
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  i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out

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  (630): i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out http://tfl.nu/xbjc
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  Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why

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  (630): Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why http://tfl.nu/bkyw
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  Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake

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  (630): Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake http://tfl.nu/dh07
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  Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.

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  (630): Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago. http://tfl.nu/3f70
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  How much did you drink?

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  Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea

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  (630): How much did you drink? (708): Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea http://tfl.nu/hfkt
  Replies (2) Good night (1073) Bad night (558)
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  We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.

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  (630): We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade. http://tfl.nu/0t6i
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  I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?

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  (630): I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So? http://tfl.nu/1vsx
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  I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best

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  (630): I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best http://tfl.nu/gccv
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  I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.

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  (630): I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time. http://tfl.nu/846n
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  Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.

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  (630): Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome. http://tfl.nu/a2zp
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  I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.

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  (630): I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager. http://tfl.nu/yzyc
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  I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle

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  (630): I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle http://tfl.nu/8rh4
  Replies (4) Good night (1577) Bad night (397)
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  I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it

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  (630): I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it http://tfl.nu/s57c
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