Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Missouri (573)

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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...

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  (573): Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"... http://tfl.nu/a43j
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  ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.

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  (573): ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME. http://tfl.nu/9twm
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  you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.

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  (573): you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment. http://tfl.nu/2sfo
  Replies (7) Good night (1704) Bad night (453)
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  You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.

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  (573): You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field. http://tfl.nu/swf8
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  We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.

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  (573): We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition. http://tfl.nu/1p20
  Replies (7) Good night (1973) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
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  It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video

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  (573): It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video http://tfl.nu/x1wo
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  If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing

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  (573): If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing http://tfl.nu/6uck
  Replies (10) Good night (2263) Bad night (737)
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  You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.

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  (573): You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now. http://tfl.nu/pagz
  Replies (7) Good night (3930) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
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  This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car

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  (573): This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car http://tfl.nu/p8ht
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  There's always time for handjobs

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  (573): There's always time for handjobs http://tfl.nu/m1ol
  Replies (13) Good night (2505) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
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  You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.

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  (573): You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad. http://tfl.nu/q4da
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  I want her autograph on my taint

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  (573): I want her autograph on my taint http://tfl.nu/g43m
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  the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl

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  (573): the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl http://tfl.nu/glhm
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  My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.

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  (573): My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son. http://tfl.nu/oti7
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  Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina

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  (573): Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina http://tfl.nu/35k1
  Replies (7) Good night (537) Bad night (2591) Order T-Shirt