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Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
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