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Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
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