Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Follow @tfln