Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Massachusetts (508)

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.

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  That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?

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  (508): I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur. (512): That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot? http://tfl.nu/yofn
  Replies (10) Good night (2689) Bad night (512)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?

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  (508): 81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in? http://tfl.nu/31qo
  Replies (10) Good night (1378) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
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  Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now

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  (508): Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now http://tfl.nu/n0um
  Replies (7) Good night (2441) Bad night (388)
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  holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever

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  (508): holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever http://tfl.nu/v6ie
  Replies (12) Good night (1323) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
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  You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.

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  (508): You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up. http://tfl.nu/f7oz
  Replies (4) Good night (1868) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
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  I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.

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  (508): I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played. http://tfl.nu/k248
  Replies (4) Good night (1203) Bad night (351)
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  I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.

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  (508): I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver. http://tfl.nu/smcq
  Replies (1) Good night (1193) Bad night (375)
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  He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.

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  (508): He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is. http://tfl.nu/qf8i
  Replies (8) Good night (731) Bad night (1427) Order T-Shirt
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  Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.

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  (508): Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos. http://tfl.nu/qg1c
  Replies (7) Good night (1624) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
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  Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on

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  (508): Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on http://tfl.nu/0ff0
  Replies (8) Good night (1008) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
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  Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.

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  (508): Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering. http://tfl.nu/eppe
  Replies (8) Good night (477) Bad night (1543) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot

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  (508): I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot http://tfl.nu/m2xq
  Replies (5) Good night (1992) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
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  There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.

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  (508): There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him. http://tfl.nu/gfad
  Replies (7) Good night (1440) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
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  I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.

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  (508): I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember. http://tfl.nu/6qay
  Replies (22) Good night (1386) Bad night (745)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.

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  (508): All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears. http://tfl.nu/qmop
  Replies (15) Good night (563) Bad night (1140)