Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Oregon (503)

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  I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.

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  (503): I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation. http://tfl.nu/ib5h
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  Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.

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  (503): Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush. http://tfl.nu/eadi
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  You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement

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  (503): You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement http://tfl.nu/tqdd
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  In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.

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  (503): In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase. http://tfl.nu/gdrn
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  I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x

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  (503): I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x http://tfl.nu/uq2x
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  i'll probably be on drugs forewarning

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  forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you

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  (541): i'll probably be on drugs forewarning (503): forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you http://tfl.nu/wpmw
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  ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.

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  (503): ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help. http://tfl.nu/liab
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  My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.

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  (503): My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies. http://tfl.nu/5aky
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  That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy

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  (503): That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy http://tfl.nu/blrn
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  He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.

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  (503): He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain. http://tfl.nu/zlsy
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  She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.

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  (503): She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist. http://tfl.nu/sycq
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  So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all

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  (503): So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all http://tfl.nu/abyi
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  How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?

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  (503): How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor? http://tfl.nu/eg7j
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  Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.

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  (503): Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals. http://tfl.nu/1rao
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  Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...

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  (503): Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out... http://tfl.nu/v7xz
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