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Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
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