Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (503)

Last Night in Oregon (503)

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(503): View more from Oregon

Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.

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(503): Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress. http://tfl.nu/96cb

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i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking

(1-503): View more from Oregon

I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning

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(503): i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking (1-503): I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning http://tfl.nu/mjdo

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The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"

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(503): The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone" http://tfl.nu/b2m1

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Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.

(360): View more from Washington

I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.

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(503): Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch. (360): I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina. http://tfl.nu/x3ve

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I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.

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(503): I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt. http://tfl.nu/ymql

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I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.

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(503): I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best. http://tfl.nu/fuew

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you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt

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(503): you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt http://tfl.nu/y7uz

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Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum

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(503): Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum http://tfl.nu/wrcg

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I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?

(503): View more from Oregon

Succeeded.

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(404): I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life? (503): Succeeded. http://tfl.nu/i020

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I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face

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(503): I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face http://tfl.nu/4e48

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There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.

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(503): There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize. http://tfl.nu/694m

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bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.

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(503): bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it. http://tfl.nu/wqus

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I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.

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(503): I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there. http://tfl.nu/oh3e

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My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers

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(503): My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers http://tfl.nu/ouvx

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I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...

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(503): I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here... http://tfl.nu/qb9a

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Last Night in Oregon (503)

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