Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Arkansas (479)

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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?

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  (479): Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace? http://tfl.nu/xfzk
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  That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.

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  (479): That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story. http://tfl.nu/a5zg
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  Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.

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  (479): Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep. http://tfl.nu/7jgb
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  I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.

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  (479): I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him. http://tfl.nu/81m9
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  I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.

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  (479): I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again. http://tfl.nu/mmc2
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  Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient

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  (479): Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient http://tfl.nu/pvik
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  Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.

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  (479): Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle. http://tfl.nu/ldbf
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  Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?

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  (479): Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up? http://tfl.nu/43gp
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  Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.

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  (479): Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless. http://tfl.nu/pb8t
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  Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.

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  (479): Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs. http://tfl.nu/zkx1
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  We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe

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  (479): We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe http://tfl.nu/vo7i
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  In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.

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  (479): In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony. http://tfl.nu/h4yi
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  I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.

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  (479): I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast. http://tfl.nu/j7ef
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  I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better

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  (479): I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better http://tfl.nu/bldt
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  Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.

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  (479): Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students. http://tfl.nu/ij14
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