Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (440)

Last Night in Ohio (440)

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I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"

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(440): I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found" http://tfl.nu/rmaa

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Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...

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(440): Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?... http://tfl.nu/7sdw

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Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now

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Ps I am

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(440): Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now (440): Ps I am http://tfl.nu/ow38

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I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog

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(440): I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog http://tfl.nu/oyfd

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im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.

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(440): im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know. http://tfl.nu/c5k4

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Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...

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(440): Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits... http://tfl.nu/u2u5

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I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal

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(440): I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal http://tfl.nu/vouk

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Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.

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The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.

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(440): Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions. (440): The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America. http://tfl.nu/cnoq

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We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.

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(440): We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault. http://tfl.nu/4i3v

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she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even

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(440): she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even http://tfl.nu/5199

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Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight

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Challenge Accepted

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(216): Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight (440): Challenge Accepted http://tfl.nu/bdzo

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While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.

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(440): While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from. http://tfl.nu/t77t

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They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.

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(440): They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME. http://tfl.nu/kpqr

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I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.

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(440): I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire. http://tfl.nu/vw34

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I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob

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(440): I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob http://tfl.nu/pg2m

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Last Night in Ohio (440)

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