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I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
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