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On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
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