Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Oklahoma (405)

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  You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.

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  (405): You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join. http://tfl.nu/8ui9
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  It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.

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  (405): It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls. http://tfl.nu/gobu
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  No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.

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  (405): No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm. http://tfl.nu/8gfx
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  As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better

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  (405): As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better http://tfl.nu/3xhu
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  I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?

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  (405): I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke? http://tfl.nu/as8o
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  I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days

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  (405): I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days http://tfl.nu/vazm
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  Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?

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  (405): Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card? http://tfl.nu/2f9h
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  All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?

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  (405): All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask? http://tfl.nu/wsyz
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  He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.

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  (405): He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night. http://tfl.nu/m9rk
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  Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%

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  And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.

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  (405): Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10% (405): And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar. http://tfl.nu/4y72
  Replies (10) Good night (2193) Bad night (558)
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  The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!

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  (405): The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes! http://tfl.nu/kv24
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  I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid

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  (405): I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid http://tfl.nu/bd90
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  I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.

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  (405): I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you. http://tfl.nu/on2x
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  I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.

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  (405): I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering. http://tfl.nu/13ve
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  We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.

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  (405): We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out. http://tfl.nu/ia59
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