Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (310)

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  Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.

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  (310): Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded. http://tfl.nu/s8id
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  The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.

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  (310): The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses. http://tfl.nu/2i38
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  may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...

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  (310): may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy... http://tfl.nu/t47h
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  yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies

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  (310): yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies http://tfl.nu/gofo
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  i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now

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  (310): i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now http://tfl.nu/q54p
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  I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.

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  (310): I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't. http://tfl.nu/uo1x
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  I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass

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  (310): I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass http://tfl.nu/6152
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  This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?

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  (310): This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married? http://tfl.nu/80xb
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  You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.

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  (310): You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag. http://tfl.nu/d3da
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  Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today

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  (310): Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today http://tfl.nu/yb5r
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  I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle

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  (310): I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle http://tfl.nu/8b8w
  Replies (6) Good night (1165) Bad night (394)
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  I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.

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  (310): I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour. http://tfl.nu/eqf3
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  If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay

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  (310): If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay http://tfl.nu/sayw
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  I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable

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  (310): I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable http://tfl.nu/myt6
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  I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"

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  (310): I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me" http://tfl.nu/p6et
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