Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Colorado (303)

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  I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar

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  (303): I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar http://tfl.nu/zhfq
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  Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.

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  (303): Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs. http://tfl.nu/8ywt
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  Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.

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  (303): Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor. http://tfl.nu/urne
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  When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever

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  (303): When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever http://tfl.nu/l7j2
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  He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.

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  (303): He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled. http://tfl.nu/tlei
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  trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes

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  (303): trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes http://tfl.nu/w6ny
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  Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex

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  (303): Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex http://tfl.nu/46rv
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  how did operation slutty penguin go?

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  pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter

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  (303): how did operation slutty penguin go? (619): pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter http://tfl.nu/uigh
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  Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.

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  (303): Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up. http://tfl.nu/afn3
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  Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...

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  Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?

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  (720): Passed out drunk in a tanning bed... (303): Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time? http://tfl.nu/3i4a
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  Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.

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  (303): Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel. http://tfl.nu/tevo
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  His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it

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  (303): His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it http://tfl.nu/k4oj
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  I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind

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  (303): I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind http://tfl.nu/1u44
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  If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you

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  Seriously. Castrate.

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  (303): If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you (303): Seriously. Castrate. http://tfl.nu/qjql
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  He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.

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  (303): He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night. http://tfl.nu/mkun
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