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I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
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