Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Maryland (301)

Sort By: Date / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards http://tfl.nu/20k7
  Replies (11) Good night (2057) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up." http://tfl.nu/f0g8
  Replies (3) Good night (1828) Bad night (514)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED. http://tfl.nu/hc30
  Replies (7) Good night (843) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble http://tfl.nu/0x8g
  Replies (7) Good night (2219) Bad night (404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  why would you automatically assume i'm high...

  (240): View more from Maryland

  you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): why would you automatically assume i'm high... (240): you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix. http://tfl.nu/8cui
  Replies (3) Good night (1798) Bad night (415)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis. http://tfl.nu/pct3
  Replies (10) Good night (850) Bad night (1864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.

  (1-301): View more from Maryland

  I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy. (1-301): I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok. http://tfl.nu/z40b
  Replies (16) Good night (2783) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you http://tfl.nu/si0a
  Replies (4) Good night (1064) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  "Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): "Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there. http://tfl.nu/ru2o
  Replies (11) Good night (1732) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up http://tfl.nu/i9yn
  Replies (17) Good night (1621) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now. http://tfl.nu/ln6x
  Replies (8) Good night (2164) Bad night (1046) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces. http://tfl.nu/8qa1
  Replies (15) Good night (793) Bad night (2545)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I'm wearing red that night.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Noted, what shade?

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I'm wearing red that night. (301): Noted, what shade? (202): Whore. http://tfl.nu/7182
  Replies (9) Good night (3619) Bad night (582)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Did you reintroduce yourself?

  (407): View more from Florida

  He threatened to call the cops.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house. (301): Did you reintroduce yourself? (407): He threatened to call the cops. http://tfl.nu/0bcc
  Replies (7) Good night (629) Bad night (1880)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again. http://tfl.nu/vkbm
  Replies (8) Good night (2164) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt