Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Alabama (251)

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  just found the deal breaker

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  hairy back?

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  he can't live within 1000 ft of a school

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  (251): just found the deal breaker (1-251): hairy back? (251): he can't live within 1000 ft of a school http://tfl.nu/kwkd
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  How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?

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  (251): How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama? http://tfl.nu/p6aj
  Replies (14) Good night (852) Bad night (2431) Order T-Shirt
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  I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.

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  (251): I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole. http://tfl.nu/c6gz
  Replies (18) Good night (841) Bad night (4588) Order T-Shirt
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  Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.

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  (251): Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now. http://tfl.nu/uhhh
  Replies (7) Good night (838) Bad night (2803)
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  We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.

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  (251): We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan. http://tfl.nu/qlyy
  Replies (3) Good night (837) Bad night (286) Order T-Shirt
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  Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?

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  (251): Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl? http://tfl.nu/mkwq
  Replies (38) Good night (829) Bad night (3672) Order T-Shirt
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  Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.

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  (251): Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile. http://tfl.nu/y0n1
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  Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.

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  (251): Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on. http://tfl.nu/zy8a
  Replies (53) Good night (782) Bad night (2856) Order T-Shirt
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  I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed

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  (251): I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed http://tfl.nu/pqx7
  Replies (14) Good night (779) Bad night (4113) Order T-Shirt
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  I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas

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  (251): I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas http://tfl.nu/8b13
  Replies (10) Good night (726) Bad night (3599) Order T-Shirt
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  I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.

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  (251): I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them. http://tfl.nu/46q5
  Replies (10) Good night (692) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
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  I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time

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  (251): I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time http://tfl.nu/7lhp
  Replies (7) Good night (675) Bad night (1964) Order T-Shirt
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  Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?

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  (251): Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone? http://tfl.nu/sjee
  Replies (39) Good night (669) Bad night (2932) Order T-Shirt
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  My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay

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  (251): My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay http://tfl.nu/tgej
  Replies (4) Good night (640) Bad night (181) Order T-Shirt
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  Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?

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  (251): Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails? http://tfl.nu/r64b
  Replies (2) Good night (635) Bad night (182) Order T-Shirt