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You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
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