Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Tennessee (931)

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  Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.

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  (931): Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this. http://tfl.nu/inch
  Replies (8) Good night (4075) Bad night (653)
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  I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.

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  (931): I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that. http://tfl.nu/d355
  Replies (6) Good night (847) Bad night (1343)
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  i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn

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  (931): i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn http://tfl.nu/8o33
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  Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.

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  (931): Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult. http://tfl.nu/v17w
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  That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from

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  (931): That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from http://tfl.nu/4gf0
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  Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?

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  (931): Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me? http://tfl.nu/cqgr
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  making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float

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  (931): making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float http://tfl.nu/pj8f
  Replies (12) Good night (2721) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
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  Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring

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  (931): Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring http://tfl.nu/mtnj
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  I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.

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  (931): I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s. http://tfl.nu/244n
  Replies (12) Good night (2838) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
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  everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend

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  (931): everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend http://tfl.nu/stvz
  Replies (9) Good night (798) Bad night (3951) Order T-Shirt
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  Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.

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  (931): Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex. http://tfl.nu/b52l
  Replies (10) Good night (2628) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
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  Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious

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  (931): Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious http://tfl.nu/qfwe
  Replies (3) Good night (2390) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
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  Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....

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  (931): Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me.... http://tfl.nu/xfhz
  Replies (11) Good night (1331) Bad night (3362) Order T-Shirt
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  How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.

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  (931): How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you. http://tfl.nu/giys
  Replies (7) Good night (3236) Bad night (1064) Order T-Shirt
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  I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers

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  (931): I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers http://tfl.nu/gzzm
  Replies (8) Good night (2571) Bad night (966) Order T-Shirt